#mistakes #taptap #withthesehands #thefinalpage #finalcredits #parshatchukat #wordshavewings #moses #aaron #tapinsteadofspeak #bookofnumbers #parshapoetry
In Parshat Chukat, after a lifetime of service, after a transition from the Nile, to the palace, to the desert, to becoming an agent of God to liberate the Hebrews from slavery. After generations in the desert, after endless complaints and an endless stream of representing the Hebrews before God, Moses fails to heed God's directions and brings water from the rock with his staff instead of with his voice. It happens in an instant. Was it instinct? Was it done with intention?
Was it influenced by anger? Was Moses momentarily convinced that he could bring water from the rock without Divine powers?
All of us make these impulsive movements at some point in our lives. These are movements that change the course of our lives. After we complete these small but life changing actions, we exist in that moment where we need to adjust to this new unfamiliar reality. This is just one of Moses' decisive moments during his lifetime, but this one carries a heavy punishment as he will not be able to enter The Land.
WITH THESE HANDS
....and the end arrives before the final page
you won't be there for the last scene
but your name will appear over and over
in the credits
it was a momentary lapse
a slip backwards
the space between words
a breath
a few seconds
and it was done
tap, tap
What?
you picked up your head
with angry eyes
you heard the screams,
the grumbles
the cries
saw the red, angry faces
your vision blurred
You heard your orders
you heard
as your head dropped to your chest
words, commands, details
but hands are nimbler than the tongue
they swiftly rose
staff tightly held
between whitened knuckles
tap, tap
and the water flowed
you didn't believe enough
you believed too much in yourself
tap, tap
did you?
could you?
In the space of two heartbeats
and it was finished
and the water flowed
you gazed down at your hands
holding a worn staff
did they move on their own accord?
You stop and wonder what you just did.
Did it register at all?
You were on auto-pilot.
After so many years
how could you not be?
you misread
you misheard
your old ears heard it all wrong
after all, you are just human
you forgot
just this one time
a momentary lapse in judgement
you never thought
you overthought
you overestimated
you underestimated
you thought too much of yourself
you thought nothing of yourself
you are sorry
a gnawing grows inside of you
and the water flows
but it is too late
undoing the work of a lifetime
in the space of two breaths
let that sink in
as the water flows
as the noise of the crowd is blanketed by
the roar of the water
you are so tired
the work of a lifetime
you stare at your hands
your hands that have saved
that have helped make miracles
that rose
in the space of a moment
tap, tap
and the water flowed
at this moment
you look backwards and see
the past winding far behind you
your future on a mountain top
You would never overstay your welcome
You could not
you get no second chances
no redos
and the end arrives before the final page
you won't be there for the last scene
but your name will appear over and over
in the credits
and your eyes close
and the water flows
Numbers 20:8-12
“You and your brother Aaron take the rod and assemble the community, and before their very eyes order the rock to yield its water. Thus you shall produce water for them from the rock and provide drink for the congregation and their beasts.”
Moses took the rod from before the LORD, as He had commanded him.
Moses and Aaron assembled the congregation in front of the rock; and he said to them, “Listen, you rebels, shall we get water for you out of this rock?”
And Moses raised his hand and struck the rock twice with his rod. Out came copious water, and the community and their beasts drank.
But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust Me enough to affirm My sanctity in the sight of the Israelite people, therefore you shall not lead this congregation into the land that I have given them.”